I Know I'm Not A Very Good Person

by Matt Wixson

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1.
03:08
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02:48
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03:01
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about

These songs were written and recorded at different times, some of them years apart. The recording style is terribly inconsistent. Some of them are a little bit poorly performed. What would you expect from a person who knows they aren't very good?

At the time of release, one of these songs has been released by my band, Matt Wixson's Flying Circus, and another one or two may later be rerecorded by the band. Sorry for double dipping.

credits

released September 12, 2016

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about

Matt Wixson Ferndale, Michigan

I was a solo ska artist and turned that thing into a three-piece punk band. Then I went solo on the side again, with the same name. I used to try to make people laugh. Now I want to bum them out.

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Track Name: Home Alone
Most of my memories are with people who I
Consider to be past acquaintences of mine
People who got fed up and left my ass behind
I know they're right, deep down inside, I know they're right

Nobody asks but I don't want to tag along
At home alone, the only place that I belong
Rewriting soundtracks, change the meaning of a song
Yeah I was wrong, yeah I was wrong, yeah I was wrong

Assaulting, insulting, I find myself revolting
You have a reason for holding onto it

I can't control a rock but I control the clay
Lately I'm squeezing even harder every day
Happy to see that you could go and pull away
A better way, that's what you made, a better way

Assaulting, insulting, I find myself revolting
You have a reason for holding onto it

I've got these poisons in my mouth
And you are better off without me
You are better off without - I've got these
I've got these poisons in my mouth
And you are better off without me
You are better off without
Track Name: I Have A Thing (Original Version)
I have a thing for guys who have a thing for chicks
I swear it's not intentional, attraction never is
You have a thing I can't and you love to show it off
You have a thing for playing games like I have a thing for loss

And I'm getting deeper, deeper

I have some things to teach, you have some things I could correct
And you'll end up a better man and I'll end up a wreck
I have some things called wounds, you have a thing called salt
It's either let you rub it in or not talk to you at all

And I'm getting deeper, deeper

You have a thing for me having a thing for you
I have nothing to justify the things we put me through

And I'm getting deeper, deeper
Track Name: The Truth Is
The truth is:
I never wanna ever leave home again (I never, I never)
I never wanna ever leave home again (I never, I never)
Don't care about my family, don't care about my friends because I
I never wanna ever leave home again

Hit the lights, and close the curtain
Cuz it’s so bright my eyes are hurtin’
Get me a drink and let me just exist
Don’t need a phone, just need a TV
I’m here alone and you don’t need me
I wanna just lay low and eat like shit

Why try to hide the fact that everything seems useless?
Why go outside when you can hide inside? The truth is:

I never wanna ever leave home again (I never, I never)
I never wanna ever leave home again (I never, I never)
Don't care about my family, don't care about my friends because I
I never wanna ever leave home again

Don’t wanna see, don’t wanna hear you
Don’t wanna be anywhere near you
It’s nothing personal, I just need some time
I wanna eat another breakfast
And wash it down with rum and Netflix
Maybe next week I’ll be feeling fine

Why try to hide the fact that everything seems useless?
Why go outside when you can hide inside? The truth is:

I never wanna ever leave home again (I never, I never)
I never wanna ever leave home again (I never, I never)
Don't care about my family, don't care about my friends because I
I never wanna ever leave home again
Track Name: Give Me A Taste
I feel shorter today than I did yesterday and I barely can keep my eyes open
But there’s nothing that I want to see anyway - it don’t matter at all if I’m broken
If I recall correctly, with all due respect, we once had something bigger in mind
I don’t know exactly when I got distracted but I've found better use of my time

Sit me down in the dark with a glassful of drink
With a handful of nothing and a head full of think
With a past full of promise and a night full of waste
Sit me down in the dark and just give me a taste

I feel older today than I did yesterday and I’m fitting of all the assumptions
I got no songs to play, I got nothing to say, ‘cept I love this unconscious consumption
So you had hopes for me, but I happen to be just contented to give up the fight
With an absence of hope and a schedule wide open, you know where to find me tonight

Sit me down in the dark with a glassful of drink
With a handful of nothing and a head full of think
With a past full of promise and a night full of waste
Sit me down in the dark and just give me a taste
Track Name: Little
You're dumb dumb da dumb dumb da dumb
You're dumb dumb da dumb dumb da dumb
You're dumb dumb da dumb dumb da dumb
You're dumb dumb da dumb

I'm a little too permissive
I'm a little too strict
I'm a little too much of a
Political prick
I'm a little too queer
I'm a little too straight
I'm a little too early
And a little too late

And I hope you'll forgive me
For the things you project
Cuz the person you think I am
You can't respect
But I wish that you knew me
Cuz then you would see
There are plenty of rational reasons
For you to hate me

You're dumb dumb da dumb dumb da dumb
You're dumb dumb da dumb dumb da dumb
You're dumb dumb da dumb dumb da dumb
You're dumb dumb da dumb

I'm a little too privileged
I'm a little oppressed
I'm a little bit cocky
Or a little depressed
I'm a little of this
And a little of that
I'm a little of everything
You could attack

And I hope you'll forgive me
For the things you project
Cuz the person you think I am
You can't respect
But I wish that you knew me
Cuz then you would see
There are plenty of rational reasons
For you to hate me

You're dumb dumb da dumb dumb da dumb
You're dumb dumb da dumb dumb da dumb
You're dumb dumb da dumb dumb da dumb
You're dumb dumb da dumb
Track Name: If We Let Ourselves
The first thing I ever wanted was attention
I wanted to be liked and to fit in
And I tried to hide the fact that I was different
So I acted like a shitty little kid
Then the doctor gave me pills for my depression
But I don't really remember how they felt
I took them on and off through adolescence
But they never got me closer to myself

Well I took Marie's affection, never really gave it back
It was selfish desperation and I still feel bad for that
But she's happy now, and married to another guy named Mat
We're getting better if we let ourselves

The second thing I ever wanted was understanding
To know the world and what role I should play
I wrote a couple hundred songs and counting
And met everyone I know along the way
Every person held a small piece of my future
Either something to absorb or to reject
I'm a product of a billion bits of culture
With a crucial little dash of self respect

Well I took my friends' affection, though it mattered less and less
If I went my true direction they would see me at my best
Finally I learned to trust the muscle beating in my chest
We're getting better if we let ourselves

I remember when I realized I loved you
I had never known the meaning of the word
I'm embarrassed to admit that it was tough to
Not just run away for fear of getting hurt
But you helped me break the last pieces of wall down
And I'd like to think I'm helping you out, too
I can say with certainty, once and for all now
The third thing I ever wanted was you

You have all my affection, and I know that I have yours
And that's comfort and protection from the pain that we've endured
While I have my doubts of many things, I've never felt so sure
We're getting better if we let ourselves
We'll be forever if we let ourselves